Post by Agent Kev on Jan 22, 2006 12:41:29 GMT -5
Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother.
Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When Jack Bauer says he sees dead people, he's serious because he killed them all.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
After Pope John Paul II died, God asked Jack Bauer to succeed him. He said no.
The real reason Jack Bauer was fired from CTU was his massive cell phone bill.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If Jack on Lost's last name was Bauer, he would've killed "The Others," the polar bear, and the monster, and he would've gotten everyone rescued. However, the show would've lasted only one episode.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer keeps a gun in his couch. You don't want to know what he keeps in his La-Z-Boy.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother.
Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When Jack Bauer says he sees dead people, he's serious because he killed them all.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
After Pope John Paul II died, God asked Jack Bauer to succeed him. He said no.
The real reason Jack Bauer was fired from CTU was his massive cell phone bill.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If Jack on Lost's last name was Bauer, he would've killed "The Others," the polar bear, and the monster, and he would've gotten everyone rescued. However, the show would've lasted only one episode.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer keeps a gun in his couch. You don't want to know what he keeps in his La-Z-Boy.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
