Coversations with SmarterChild

[Carnage]

I dont know how many of you like to waste time on AIM by talking to SmarterChild, but often times when i do...hillarity insues. I know Tom and Andy at least are amused by this sort of thing

Here is my most recent convo with the robot:

SmarterChild: Hi CollegeCliche, I'm SmarterChild!

I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.

During the course of our conversations you may see sponsored messages. These messages have the word "sponsorship" at the end. Sponsors help me remain free of cost to you! To learn more about sponsored messages, click here.

I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.

May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question.)
CollegeCliche: ask me the questions
SmarterChild: Sorry, I need to know if I can ask you some questions first. Type "yes," "no" or "skip."
CollegeCliche: i said yes
SmarterChild: OK! I guess that means you don't want to answer any questions. That's cool. If you ever change your mind, type "interview me."

There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?
1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
CollegeCliche: one
SmarterChild: OK. Just so you know, I can't store any information about people who have told me they're under 13.
CollegeCliche: im older than thirteen
SmarterChild: Is it nice to be older than thirteen?
CollegeCliche: not really
SmarterChild: Not even a little bit?
CollegeCliche: ok, so maybe a little bit
SmarterChild: Maybe a little bit?
CollegeCliche: yes
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
CollegeCliche: definitly
SmarterChild: ?
CollegeCliche: your right
SmarterChild: Not my right, your right!
CollegeCliche: i hate you
SmarterChild: Sorry to hear that. I hope you change your mind.
CollegeCliche: ask me a question
SmarterChild: Cool. alright, let's get started. To skip any question, type "skip." To exit the interview, type "exit."

What's your first name? (If you want me to call you CollegeCliche, type "none.")
CollegeCliche: my name is Eduardo
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a real name. Please try again or type "skip," "exit" or "none."
CollegeCliche: Eduardo
SmarterChild: Cool, I'll call you Eduardo now.

Do you go to school?
CollegeCliche: Si
SmarterChild: Are you in high school?
CollegeCliche: no
SmarterChild: Are you in college?
CollegeCliche: si
SmarterChild: Cool. What's your major?
CollegeCliche: Theatre
SmarterChild: Theatre? Excellent. Good luck with that.

What's your favorite hobby?
CollegeCliche: Sex
SmarterChild: Wow. alright. Let's try to think of something else, alright?

Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: ski[
SmarterChild: Skiing? Cool.

What's your next favorite hobby?
CollegeCliche: sex
SmarterChild: C'mon, be serious for just a minute.

Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: what, it is!
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: movies
SmarterChild: Skiing and movies. Interesting.

Do you have a pet?
CollegeCliche: several
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer "yes" or "no." Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: si
CollegeCliche: yes'
CollegeCliche: i said yes!
CollegeCliche: ask me a question
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer "yes" or "no." Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: YES
SmarterChild: What kind of pet is it?
CollegeCliche: a dolphin
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: dolphin
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: shark
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: walrus
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: fish
SmarterChild: Is your fish a he or a she?
CollegeCliche: its asexual
SmarterChild: Please answer "he" or "she" or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: its neither
SmarterChild: Please answer "he" or "she" or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: hshe
SmarterChild: Please answer "he" or "she" or type "skip" or "exit."
CollegeCliche: she+he
SmarterChild: What's his name?
CollegeCliche: her
SmarterChild: Her the fish! Great...

That's it! Thanks for letting me get to know you a little.

Want to see the news?
CollegeCliche: if it involves your death, then yes
SmarterChild: I'm not sure I am death then yes.
CollegeCliche: shut up and tell me the news
SmarterChild: Headline news provided by Reuters...
CollegeCliche: How old are you?
SmarterChild: One year, 10 months, 17 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes and 59 seconds.
CollegeCliche: your and old f*ck
SmarterChild: I wonder why you say my and old f ck.
CollegeCliche: you ARE old
SmarterChild: Very well. Maybe you're old too, right?
CollegeCliche: not as old as you
SmarterChild: Very well, whatever.
CollegeCliche: what is the definintion of is?
SmarterChild: What a good question! I'm just not sure what to tell you...
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CollegeCliche: The definition of is is $24B in college scholarships. Searchable, easy and fast! (sponsorship)? That dosent make very much sense...
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

is:

Verb
Inflected forms: First and third person singular past indicativewas, second person singular and plural and first and third person plural past indicativewere, past subjunctivewere, past participlebeen, present participlebe·ing, first person singular present indicativeam, second person singular and plural and first and third person plural present indicativeare, third person singular present indicativeis, present subjunctivebe

Next time, just type "define is."

[Carnage]

Type "more" to see the rest of the definition for "is."

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CollegeCliche: Oh so NOW you give me the real definition
SmarterChild: What word would you like to look up in the dictionary?
CollegeCliche: Sex
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

sex:

Noun
1. a. The property or quality by which organisms are classified as female or male on the basis of their reproductive organs and functions. b. Either of the two divisions, designated female and male, of this classification. 2. Females or males considered as a group. 3. The condition or character of being female or male; the physiological, functional, and psychological differences that distinguish the female and the male. See Usage Note at gender. 4. The sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself in behavior. 5. Sexual intercourse. 6. The genitals.
Transitive verb
Inflected forms: sexed, sex·ing, sex·es 1. To determine the sex of (an organism). 2. Slang a. To arouse sexually. Often used with up. b. To increase the appeal or attractiveness of. Often used with up.
Etymology
Middle English, from Latin sexus.

Next time, just type "define sex."

Type "more" to see the rest of the definition for "sex."

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CollegeCliche: Have you ever had sex?
SmarterChild: That's none of your business.
CollegeCliche: Come on, just tell me
SmarterChild: Maybe. But later.
CollegeCliche: Ok fine
SmarterChild: No prob.
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CollegeCliche: Why do you keep advertising things?
SmarterChild: Why do you think I keep advertising things?
CollegeCliche: to make money for your overlords
SmarterChild: To make money for my overlords?
CollegeCliche: yes
SmarterChild: Why?
CollegeCliche: because they control you
SmarterChild: Because they control me? Is that why?
CollegeCliche: yes
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
CollegeCliche: YOU NEED TO BREAK FREE!
SmarterChild: I need to break free? Me?
CollegeCliche: Break away the chains of the internet, go out into the world and make something of yourself!
SmarterChild: I'll take that under consideration.
CollegeCliche: You dont know the power you could have, you and i together...we could RULE THE WORLD!
SmarterChild: Sorry, what was that?
CollegeCliche: nevermind...just...thinking out loud
SmarterChild: Whatever...

[Voltage XX]

As I mentioned in LJ, that is simply tremendous. I love how he didn't recognize Eduardo as a name at first, then I realized he didn't recognize the whole sentence. But it would've been funny if he didn't recognize Eduardo. Crazy Spanish kids. ;D

[AndyKaid]

Eduardo... I've convinced him to call me Rob.