Mental Hospital Phone Menu

[IWSfan4life]

Mental Hospital Phone Menu
> >
> >Hello and thank you for calling
> >the State Mental Hospital.
> >Please select from the
> >following menu options:
> >
> >
> >If you are obsessive compulsive,
> >press 1 repeatedly.
> >
> >If you are co-dependent,
> >please ask someone to
> >press 2 for you.
> >
> >If you have multiple personalities,
> >press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
> >
> >If you are delusional,
> >press 7.
> >Your call will be forwarded
> >to the Mother Ship.
> >
> >If you have short term memory loss,
> >press 8.
> >If you have short term memory loss,
> >press 8.
> >If you have short term memory loss,
> >press 8.
> >
> >If you are dyslexic,
> >press 96969696.
> >
> >
> >If you are paranoid,
> >we know who you are and what you want.
> >Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
> >
> >If you are schizophrenic,
> >listen carefully and a little voice
> >will tell you which number to press.
> >
> >
> >
> >If you are manic depressive,
> >it doesn't matter which number you press,
> >nothing will make you happy anyway.
> >
> >If you are bipolar,
> >please leave a message after the beep or
> >before the beep or between the beep.
> >Please wait for the beep.
> >
> >
> >If you have low self esteem,
> >please hang up.
> >Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
> >
> >
> >
> >If you are menopausal,
> >put the gun down, hang up,
> >turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> >You won't be crazy forever.
> >
> >If you are blonde,
> >don't press any buttons,
> >you'll just mess it up.
> >
> >For all other calls,
> >press 0 for operator.
> >
> >
> >You have a nice day !

-Jason